Five years ago when our daughter Jean died one of
our church leaders told us we handled it better than others he
had observed. I pondered that statement for two years when eventually
the sweet quiet voice from God taught me why. You can see what
I learned at that time in my article Forgiveness
Brings Peace
When our second child Tim died many asked us, "How
do you do it." Meaning how can we remain strong with our
terrible grief, not only once but twice.
I offer the following information about how we handle
our grief and hope it may help others. Our membership in The Church
of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints provides us faith and trust
in Jesus Christ.
Over the years I have had many financial and health
issues. The good side of them is that they have taught me many
valuable lessons on the definition of success, patience and endurance
through adversity. For more information see my articles under
success directory above.
Some of the popular success philosophies would have
us believe that everything that occurs in our lives are the direct
result of our thoughts. I heard a success seminar speaker say
if we have an accident it is because we planned it in our minds
and it is a result of our own thoughts. He then quoted:
| Job 3:25 For the thing which I greatly
feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is
come unto me. |
This claim denies hundreds of other scriptures that
state just the opposite. It is ms-used by the devil to get us
to deny the power and existence of God, and to feel guilty every
time something bad happens. This leads to depression and discouragement
in life. I will attempt to outline some of the scriptures that
show God is in charge and how His plan includes tests, trials,
adversity and grief.
The first scriptures I will refer to without quoting
are the instructions God gave to Adam and Eve as they were cast
out of the Garden of Eden. It is that life is full of thorns and
thistles and we will have to earn our bread by the sweat of our
brow. That is God's plan. He did not create this earth so that
we would have a comfortable and easy life. He created it in a
manner that would cause us to struggle in order to grow. Every
prophet and leader in the Old Testament testifies to this principle
by their life stories full of adversity.
One of the best examples of God's success plan is
in the example of Joseph who was sold into slavery. As a youth
Joseph had dreams given to him by God that made his brothers jealous
and angry with him. When the opportunity came they put him in
a pit then sold him to slavery and he wound up in Egypt. There
he became the keeper of the home and property of a rich man called
Potiphar. Anyone who has been a leader of any kind knows it is
foolish to promote a whiner. People who find fault, complain and
whine are never dependable or trustworthy. The point is that Joseph
overcame the fault of complaining. Joseph overcame anger and hate
or he could not be trusted to rule and govern Potiphar's immense
wealth. Just as in the examples of the creation the devil came
to destroy Joseph and used Potiphar's wife to seduce him. Joseph's
reward for resisting the devils devices was to be thrown into
prison. Again Joseph overcame anger and hate and was promoted
to be the keeper of the prison. He had charge of everything in
the prison and was completely trusted. This was no small accomplishment.
Nothing in the scriptural story tells how long it may have taken
Joseph to accomplish this feat or what he did to do so. It simply
is again impossible for him to be in charge of the prison if he
had a lousy attitude full of hate and anger.
Eventually Joseph was removed from the prison and
promoted to be Pharaoh's number two man in the whole kingdom.
Again no small feat and could not have occurred if he had anger
and hate.
Now here is the clincher. When Joseph revealed himself
to his brothers this is what the scripture says he said;
Genisis 45:4 And Joseph said unto his brethren, Come
near to me, I pray you. And they came near. And he said,
I am Joseph your brother, whom ye sold into Egypt.
5 Now therefore be not grieved, nor angry with yourselves,
that ye sold me hither: for God did send me before you to
preserve life.
Genisis 50:20 "But as for you, ye thought evil against
me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it
is this day, to save much people alive." |
Not only do we learn from this story the example
of Joseph's great accomplishment to overcome and make the best
of his situations, but that God, not his brothers put him into
slavery for a reason. The reason here is to save Jacob's family
from the famine. The message is that it was not someone's mental
thoughts that caused this situation but God. So often people get
mad at God and fail to benefit from the blessings they could learn
form the experiences. What a waste, to endure the trauma and not
get the benefit. This is why Joseph's example is so important
and applicable to us.
Often people say God does not do or allow bad things,
it is our minds or just circumstances. What about a blind person
or one born with a challenge? Are we to believe they are born
such just by chance? Consider the following scripture;
| John 9:-1-4 "1. And as Jesus passed by,
he saw a man which was blind from his birth. 2. And his disciples
asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents,
that he was born blind? 3. Jesus answered, Neither hath this
man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should
be made manifest in him. |
What greater works of God are there, than the growth
and development of man? Are we not the creation and our life the
gift of God?
A wise man once told a story of his life where he
was passed over for a very important military promotion. Later
while he was pruning bushes in his yard he had the thought that
the bushes were complaining about being cut and pruned. His thoughts
were, "I'm doing this for your best good so you will have
prettier flowers and will be a better bush." Then the thought
came to him as if God was speaking to him, "Don't you realize
that is why I prevented your promotion, so you could become a
better person." Soon after the experience the man was given
a promotion to very important religious responsibility of much
greater importance. Had this man been bitter and complained God
would not have given him the greater opportunity.
When we think it is only our thoughts and our mortal
powers that control our lives we lose the growth to bring us closer
to God.
The second message of the blind man's example is
how the Savior was teaching his disciples about His mission to
follow His Fathers will.
| John 9:4 "I must work the works of him
that sent me, while it is day: the night cometh, when no man
can work." |
We are not in control of life, God is. He is the
giver and taker for wiser purposes than we are able to understand.
We are like little children in comparison to God. Only when we
submit to God as little children can we learn what God wants to
teach us.
Recently I was removing snow from a big storm. The
thought came to me how we have two choices, we can get to work
and clean our driveways or stay inside and complain and nothing
gets done. Along with this was the observation that it seems there
are two types of snow blowers sold. One stops or dies at the property
line and others keep going on to their neighbors. So it is in
grief we can set limits and die spiritually or we can go on with
a heart thankful for the love of God. The phrase Job's friends
and wife spoke is so true of this concept.
| Job 2:9 Then said his wife unto him, Dost thou still retain
thine integrity? curse God, and die. |
If Job had chosen to curse God he would have died
spiritually. He would have lost his integrity and his connection
with God. The phrase, "curse God and die" means when
we blame God we die spiritually. It is the same as the scriptural
phrase of being dammed. To me that is the same as a dam in a river,
we block the love of God from our lives. Nothing can be more damming
or devastating that to separate ourselves from God. Someone once
said, "If you are farther from God today than yesterday,
who moved?"
Those who deny God say, "If there were a just
God, he would not allow such calamities and grief in our lives."
Oh so sad, that they cannot see the wonders of the blessings of
trials and the tests God provides. Such a denial of God denies
that there is a Heavenly existence after death. It denies the
atonement, crucifixion and resurrection of the Lord.
When we deny God and Christ we condemn ourselves
to grief. When we submit to our cross such as Christ teaches we
are lifted up. God never denies anyone, and His arms are stretched
out to receive us despite our failure to see. He lived and taught
the principle of the Good Shepard who seeks the lost sheep.
We cannot stop storms or trials but we can choose
to honor God and thus receive His comfort and love. When we complain
we push away God's love. It is then, that we moan that God does
not love us and is not real. No wonder, because such feelings
block the ability to know and feel God's love.
Christ came to a lowly stable and humble poor parents
not a palace of wealth, to show us by example that wealth and
prestige are not important. He could have at any time prevented
the Roman solders and others from persecuting Him and even killing
him, yet he did not to fulfill His Fathers will. How can we ask
for anything different than to follow Christ's example.
The pain in grief can be swallowed up in the promise
of eternal life and resurrection.
| Matthew 27:50 Jesus, when he had cried again
with a loud voice, yielded up the ghost... 52 And the graves
were opened; and many bodies of the saints which slept arose,
53 And came out of the graves after his resurrection, and
went into the holy city, and appeared unto many. |
The promise of Christ, the purpose and mission of
Christ is to provide a way for us to return to the presence of
God. He paid the price and He overcame death so that all may be
resurrected.
No one ever dies, they
just change their address
| His sacrifice provides
the means that some day every soul will be reunited with their
mortal body. Every child, parent, spouse and friend will some
day be together again through the power of the atonement of
Jesus Christ. That is His promise to the world, paid for by
his life, that was not taken from Him, but willingly given
as a sheep to the slaughter. |
|
The day will come
when every soul who lived on this earth, the just and the
unjust shall stand before Christ to be judged. I wonder if
we will be judged not so much on our acts, as much for whether
we deny Christ when we experience adversity. Anyone who learns
to love God and Christ no matter how difficult or sorrowful
life is, will be lifted up and carried as exemplified in the
famous poem called Footprints
in the Sand |
The key to overcoming grief is simple, "Don't be angry at
God"
It is simple in concept but often difficult to achieve.
How we respond to God in adversity may be the ultimate determination
of our Eternal Life
To be angry at God or the Savior is the same as not trusting
them and
little better than the betrayal of the Savior by Judas.
