Forgiveness
Brings Peace
by Joe Holmes
Forgivness sooths grief, improves health and success and the opposite
creates illness and despair
One of the aspects of spiritual success is the ability
to avoid cursing God when we have bad things happen in our lives.
We have no control over accidents, storms or evil actions
by others that hurt or harm us. We do have control over how
we respond to them. Accordingly our response leads us
to light or darkness as demonstrated in Dr. Emoto's water pictures.
Thoughts Change
Water Often our most important performances in life
come under duress.
I offer the following experience not for attention but to demonstrate
the attitude that brought peace to our family in the death of our
18 year old daughter. The kind of peace Christ, Job and Dr.
Victor Frankl's examples demonstrated. Frankl
and What Joseph who was sold as a slave into
Egypt teaches us about grief and success in life
On October 23 2002 at 7:45 AM our phone rang and my wife Ann answered.
She ran to me and said the caller told her our 18-year-old daughter
is in a serious auto accident and he picked up her cell phone and
hit the home button to let us know. I ran to the car and heard numerous
sirens and knew it was an ominous sign. As I crested a small hill
to the accident I saw a huge cement truck with our Ford Explorer
wrapped around its front bumper and my heart dropped. As I ran to
my daughter I observed she was without any obvious cuts or trauma
and a policeman was in the back seat holding her head. He was talking
to her and she was responding to him. I took comfort and thought
she would survive. Five and a half hours later she died in the hospital
from blunt force trauma. We later learned the car door she was sitting
next to was crushed three and one half feet. The truck skid marks
were 306 feet long, the length of a football field.
As we planned the funeral friends and family comforted our family
but more importantly a sweet spirit of peace permeated our souls.
Some time later our one of our church leaders commented on how well
we handled the situation compared to other families he had observed.
I pondered his statement wondering why we could handle this tragedy
so differently than others. For two and a half years I continued
to wonder at this question and then one day the spirit answered
my question.
It is this answer I would like to share with the hope it will offer
peace and help others who face difficult times in their lives. To
do so means I must share private feelings and actions that I would
prefer not to discuss. I do not want notoriety or attention and
would avoid telling this story except for the power of its message.
Years ago I had heard of a father who comforted a driver at an
accident scene who had killed his daughter and I thought how could
he do it? If it happened to me would I be able to be like that?
As I stood at the edge of my daughter Jean’s accident it
was obvious that it was not the cement truck drivers fault. Whether
Jean pulled into his path because of obstructions blocking her view
or some other circumstance we will never know. As I surveyed the
scene I observed the truck driver slumped over his steering wheel
sobbing. My heart was touched and I was impressed to go talk to
him. I walked to the truck and climbed up on the huge fender and
put my arm on his shoulder and told him I was the father, and that
I wanted him to know I did not blame him for the accident.
At the viewing he, his father and two sisters came through the
line. As his father came to me he said, “I apologize that
my wife could not come as we lost a daughter a few years ago in
a similar auto accident and it is too hard for her to come”.
How my heart melted and I thought what if I had shown anger at the
driver instead of forgiveness. My children came to me after the
viewing and said, “Dad, don’t do anything against the
driver”. How proud I was of them for their attitude. They
did not know of my actions at the accident and some will hear of
it through this story for the first time. As I said it is not something
I share to get attention but to demonstrate a powerful message.
As a couple of years went by I was reminded of a family we knew
who experienced a tragic loss of an infant. They were on the news
and in every court hearing breathing out anger and vengeance against
the father who shook the baby to death. They seemed to have no comfort
or peace. Our experience was not the result of a crime yet the principle
is the same, although I am sure crime related deaths can be much
harder.
It was with these two experiences in mind that I began to see that
it is how we choose to either blame God or trust His love. This
attitude is demonstrated in how we treat others in our times of
crisis. Had my family or I reacted to the driver with anger we would
have driven the comfort God sent to us away. Because of our choice
to love and forgive my entire family was given a gift that I can
scarcely describe. A gift of peace and love settled over my entire
family. We were carried in the arms of the love of the Lord and
comfort beyond our ability to explain. There was a power and feeling
that even years later we still enjoy.
Whenever we have heart ache or trials the devil tries to get us
to curse God and die as in the story of Job. I believe cursing God
is blaming and being angry with God and the result is that our souls
wither or die. We separate ourselves from the love of God. When
I think of those who react with anger blaming God I think they are
literally dying in spirit. In contrast when we choose to trust God
without blame we are blessed with spiritual gifts beyond our ability
to comprehend. It is the ability to be thankful for the great eighteen
years God let us enjoy one of His choice children vs. being angry
because He took her away.
I cannot say this is the only reason our family received so much
spiritual comfort compared to others, but I know it made a difference
for us.
With this in mind I believe the Saviors commandment to forgive
has a greater purpose than just a commandment. It is as if the Savior
is teaching us that we receive comfort or lose comfort based on
our level to forgive. How we forgive determines our ability
to be receptive to His light or darkness. Those who choose anger
and hate offend God and become receptors of darkness, which multiplies
anger and vengeance. Fogginess brings spiritual peace and light
anger brings darkness and despair. A forgiving attitude with trust
in the Lord multiplies peace and increases the sweet comfort and
communication with Him.
I cannot say this heals everyone's heart the same as we experienced
but I can say hate and anger at God or those who are responsible
for the death of our loved ones will multiply our despair. Anger,
and hate separates us from God. Forgiveness and trusting God brings
peace and greater happiness.
Christ suffered two near deaths before He gave his life on the
cross. First he suffered so much agony in the Garden of Etherealness
that he bled from every pore of His body. Some say that here He
paid the price for our sins, that He felt every pain and sin every
one of us has had or will have. Some say that is how He can succor
and help us because He has descended to the pit of Hell to redeem
us. His second near death was his scourging. The Romans perfected
the scourging to be able to administer it to the very brink of death.
With these two near death experiences it is no wonder Christ was
too weak to carry his own cross. How often I have wished I Could
have been there to carry His cross and give Him comfort. Then the
climax of Christ giving up his life on the cross to seal his works
and to provide salvation for us is almost incomprehensible.
Christ had the power to prevent each of these experiences, the
power to destroy his enemy's, the power to avoid His pain and suffering,
yet he did not. He chose to endure them for us. He suffered greater
pain than any one of us will ever suffer which gives Him the power
and compassion to succor us.
When we suffer the loss of a child, children, or loved ones or
experience terrible agony of soul, it is not easy at that time to
be forgiving and to surrender to the tender mercy and love of Christ.
In our grief we may forget that Christ loved little children, and
that they return to Him in Heaven. The devil wants us to believe
a kind God would not allow tragic things to happen especially to
good people. God looks at the big picture and sees our potential
in Heaven after death. He allows tragic things even as He himself
suffered them beyond what we will ever suffer. He knows our earth
life is but a training and testing time to prepare us for Eternal
Life. It is this that gives me the ability to forgive by trusting
in His plan. By leaning on His grace and love. He does not let me
down, but sends his love on the wings of a dove.
It is only by trusting Christ, by eliminating hate and forgiving
that that dove can come to me.
Joe Holmes
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